I caught up with one of my female friends after not hearing from her for 2-3 months, as she had been travelling quite a lot.

She was in South Africa, and I saw some of her stories in Dubai. I asked about it since it was not part of her yearly trips.

"OMG, I gotta tell you so many things happened since our last time."

The last time we chatted, she was in disarray over some guy who was running her ragged—a 42-year-old Black DJ. He already had a kid in tow, an ex-baby mama, living the nightlife—a very wholesome type of guy.

He initially loved bombed her, talking about marriage and kids. He was living in South Africa. She had been travelling there quite a few times, and he invited her to several of his gigs before she returned to the UK. The back-and-forth lasted 18 months. They were in an official Long-Distance relationship.

She was well within his web, but he started becoming iffy at the beginning of the year. They were supposed to see one another in February, but he started playing hot and cold to pull back eventually. He even told her not to come for the latest trip they had booked together, which, to add insult to injury, was during her birthday.

She paid for all her trips and could not get a refund. The DJ did not want to reimburse her for her trip. On top of that, she had had time to project herself and wanted to enjoy the fun and summertime there. In the meantime, he insinuated that his baby mama was living back in this place. It was driving her insane. He took ages to respond and was very distant in the texting.

She was trying to make sense of where he was at and still held onto some reaching theories as to why it was not what it looked like. Despite the strong likelihood that he was cheating on her, she could not help being drawn more into him.

Once in South Africa, they eventually saw one another, but it was not the best of times. She ultimately had to find accommodation instead of staying at his, and she decided to make the most of her trip regardless. She eventually bumped into him at one of the clubs she went to. He was with an early 20-year-old girl. He ignored her, but not really ignored her, by making sure she saw he was with the young nymph.

She was shocked by the audacity. Her ex also bombed IG with stories with that girl, driving her insane.

However, he still entertained her, texting her as she ate in his hands, which struck his ego long enough.

"You should not talk to me; we have no future. You need to move on."

To follow up with

"We have a great connection."

She was seeking closure but not accepting it. She was still looking for a way to turn the tables in her favour.

The individual was a clear narcissist as he was using her as a feeding mechanism to boost his ego.

We discussed it, and I explained the situation. She agreed and eventually went to see other guys.

Funnily enough, I have not heard from her since my last call with her.

"So what happened with the DJ?"

"Old Story"

"Let me guess, a new guy came into the picture."

"Is that so obvious?"

"Dubai does not pay itself."

She giggles...

She eventually met a massive influencer (with a high 6-figure follower count) whom she DMed and ultimately met during her stay in South Africa. Notable fact: He was younger than her and another BlackBerry Brother.

My friend is a mudshark, so this was not surprising.

Whereas the first guy invited her to some place he was djing in, she managed to upgrade to a guy with much more clout and a massive amount of connections and went on different adventures, including the Dubai trip where he invited her.

Seeing where she had been (it was her first time in Dubai), he went with what seemed an all-in to woo her.

This chap did not display any toxicity, and after being burnt, my female friend was more cagey, letting him lead and invest first to prove he was serious. You could see where she was coming from.

This guy had the money and platform to provide her with more than the previous guy did, so it was an easy task.

She told me she had been comfortable with the guy ever since. Her former guy followed the new guy on social media to add some self-vindication; she hoped he would see the stories he posted with her.

At one point, the new guy started saying to her in front of his close friends, all lovey-dovey:

"I wanna tell you something I have been holding back saying for a while..."

She knew what was coming

"Don't say it" she replied.

He did not.

"Why do you feel you have to control the dynamic of everything that leads to what could be an official relationship?" I eventually asked her.

She responded that it was not good for him to say that in front of his friends, who would roast him.

To me, this sounded like cope, like a woman who would not want to be proposed in a public setting by a guy she really wants. She would have died to hear that from the former guy.

This got me querying her a bit. She told me how great the guy was, how secure she made her feel, how he did everything the other guy did not do.

She calls the other guy "a dusty" but he is still in the back of her mind. She uses this guy as a way to get back at him, waiting to tag the new guy to get the former guy riled up the day they become official.

The other thing is that she had gone quiet for the 2-3 months since our last catch-up. She had never told me about the guy before, whereas she used to talk to me about the other guy regularly. This established a hierarchy of who stood where in the hierarchy… in the good and bad times.

Depending on how this story unfolds, this new guy could become the bad guy, but at this point in time, the simping is not bait, and it has to be taken at face value.

LESSONS:

1) It is fine shagging a girl who is just coming out of a toxic break-up, but looking for more is asking to pay for the mistakes of the prior guy.

2) When you fall under the girl's frame, she does not know it yet, but she won't respect you. You think you may be winning because she is giving you the box or because you get to meet her, but in the long run, you are going to the slaughterhouse.

3) You can have status and money, but that does not stop you from being treated less than the guy before who did not have any of that because he acted above his station, whereas the new guy acted below it.

4) If you want something serious, look for girls younger than you rather than older than you. There is a de facto respect when she looks at you as more mature than her, making her follow your lead more naturally.

5) One can be simping at first when you look at love bombing, but it depends on what he makes of it afterwards. If it is to plead or entice the girl into a relationship, then that is simping. If it is to bring her guard down, to have her wrapped under your fingers eventually, it is just bait.

6) It is through discomfort that masks fall off. If you do not provide discomfort here and there, the girl's ego starts to grow, and she takes you for granted. It is in the fear and dread that she might be losing you for good; it is a reminder of your value as her anxiety drives her to act unhinged to want you.

The deepest bonds are created in trauma. You can be in the top 1%, living the desired lifestyle of the girl in question, but still, it does not beat the emotional rollercoaster she craves. Money is a tool that can be the kingmaker or a fast-track road to the guillotine.

7) Gentleman Game is over-glorified betabuxxxing when the man outwardly seeks a relationship with the girl—acting as if he is not enough. She may like it at first or even request it to bring her out on a date, but don't get fooled by what she says she requires. If you don't add some toxicity, you will find yourself in the situation of the new guy. Relationships are transactional in essence, but if you do not counterbalance them with raw emotional feelings from anxiety and the fear of loss... the transactional nature of the relationship you will have with her will be too evident for the both of you just to be seen by her as the exclusive John waiting to be manipulated and disrespected.

8) Don't say "I love you" at first. It is a rule for a reason. She will see that you need to say it first as compensation for her not reaching that level yet, but you are seeking comfort in hoping she will reciprocate.

9) When you see a girl in different locations and lovely venues, even if she only posts pictures of herself, be sure a guy is paying for it. This may sound obvious to some, but this needs to be said for others. Women can jump on another D very fast after the previous one, and he can prove to be better than you from an objective SMV standpoint. It is a reality, yet it is not what defines how much she will like you. Subjective reality will. Having said that, you are not the only one in the picture. And if you are, she is one DM away from getting dicked away.

10) The more you can get away with acting like a dick, the more she is invested in you. But you need to reach a level of investment that is high enough for her to still be there despite the trauma incurred. It is a delicate balance to strike; most guys' mistake is getting drunk on the feeling of power, and there is no going back. The new guy may be winning because he is with my friend, but you can tell he did not get her best, and he paid 10x what some other guys got for free or close enough to it, as he relinquished his frame to be with her. Had the former guy managed better, he would have had my friend at his feet. Most likely, he did not want it, that is why she is still stuck on him. Nobody treats you better than the person you don’t want.

CONCLUSION

The more you do for a girl, the less she will appreciate it. Being treated as a princess is nothing new to her. Yeah, she may give you lip service, but it is in the prospect of losing what she had that she starts acting right.

The less you give, the more she invests to compensate (provided an original interest is high enough or less damage on her part to do so).

One will be seen as overcompensating, the other as entitled. Entitlement sub-communicates that you are used to being treated as such.

Whether the woman interprets it as such is not in the original act but in your consistency, the recency bias from her previous experience, and overall history. There is so much you can be in control of.

Consistency brings a linear expectation framework which forbids her from emotionally investing through dread. Dread is something to use as a reminder not to lead with.

Otherwise, you hand too much power in a woman's hand, and if there is something you can be sure of outside of taxes and death, it is women's mismanagement of it.

Despite them wanting the outcome that they say they wish, they will act unconsciously in screwing up what they desire to attain. Them behaving in the masculine role is the cognitive dissonance they operate in that it will stop them from welcoming the masculine position of the man.

They will invite feminine men or coax a man into being feminine, which will eventually turn them off, should the guy fall for it. Past a certain level of broken, they will use their ego as a defence mechanism against past trauma, which eventually screws them up. You will be damned if you get her to comply with being feminine as, over the long run, she will grow contempt for you and take you for granted. You will be damned if you don’t, you may get her to submit by overpowering her, but she will always revert to shit-testing you because her masculine behaviour is her baseline. That masculine behaviour can have different sources, the general environment, how she overcame past trauma, and like men, they shield themselves, taking away their innocence and vulnerability.

You can have money, status, and muscles, but if you don't have the behaviour that comes with it, they are just seen as gimmicks by the women who will eventually find out, which will either lead her to cheat on you, drop you and/or make your her bitch.

Last but not least, she will seek a Gentleman past a certain stage. You can see that on dating apps:

Looking for:

"A gentleman", "open communication", "know what he wants ", "honest", "generous"

They don't say that out of nowhere; they use the opposite of the previous guy they were done wrong by, and you are there to pick up the pieces.

If you entertain her in the long run, you will get less. Yes, you may get a relationship, though not on your terms but on hers, through a behaviour on her part that has been dictated by someone who did not abide by the same rules. You secluded yourself in the husband material zone.

There are some ways to bypass it, but they involve higher upfront costs and a more pernicious strategy.

Most women see dating apps as a top-of-the-funnel simp/betabuxx/clean-up lead magnet. Be aware of that, especially when you are past a certain age.

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