Whenever it comes to dating and mating, what you tend to find is that both genders put sex and emotional bonding at opposite ends of their respective spectrum.

In other words, men want, and value sex, and women want and value emotional connection.

Men care about sexual history and sex with the other person, whereas women care about who they are going to make official as their other half through the process of attachment.

This leads to the eternal question from women: “When should I give it up?”.

And for men: “How long until I get access to it?”.

In the realm of relevance, to most women, especially nowadays, sex does not mean much; attention and bonding mean more.

That is why they will shag some rando, no questions asked, on a night out and make the guy they actually like (not necessarily the nice guy) and see a future with (think good job, good financial setup, status etc.…) go through hoops.

A lot of guys think because they are going to be high value, it is going to be pussy galore, fuck first dates, etc.… They could not be more wrong.

In my experience, it was in my degenerate days that I was smashing the most, where I was never displaying the long-term prospects to the girls.

Whereas when I was going on dates, I would actually get to chat with them, and it was easy for them to see I would be a good bet long-term. And guess what, they were holding out.

Being on both sides of the spectrum, I would find this particularly insulting, so I dumped them out of spite. Not gonna lie; I took some enjoyment from it. But it goes beyond the point.

The reality is that these five variables will drive your outcomes:

1) YOU (SMV, Frame, Game) - micro
2) The Environment (where you meet the girl) - macro

3) The Timing (at what stage of her life she is at) - macro
4) HER (SMV) - micro
5) Her agenda - micro

Depending on the environment and timing, the coefficient of the micros will vary.

So it is less about you than you think it is. The same girl will see me differently depending on where she is when she meets me.

And this is where the issue lies. Knowing women give away their main asset and agency at 10 cents on the dollar to a guy they barely know, under the pretext they don’t care what this other person will think of them, they can allow themselves to be freer in bed whilst the guy they say they want, they will be playing it safe.

It is the reverse of the Madonna-Whore complex, and women applying that just illustrate how they have copied the male sexual agency between the good girl they want to marry and the hoe they want to fuck.

They don’t even think that guys know about their double life, nor should it matter to them, even if they were to communicate it to them openly.

This eventually leads them to end up with the guys they don’t really want because they filter out guys with options who will not have it, and they are stuck with guys who have got none and accept their nonsense if they are happy to settle with them. Another issue they find is that when they front-load their agendas on the commitment front, they get rewarded with the boring guy. They have to make a conscious effort to find him worthy enough to validate their internal narrative.

It is even more pernicious because by the time they get put off by that guy, they will have wasted a lot of time. So now they have to see multiple guys to choose better, supposedly. This reinforces their non-reliability as long-term partners as they show themselves to be a whore without the name attached to it by entertaining multiple guys, creating a world where guys cannot take seriously the women they meet and wonder what STDs she has got because a lot of them go raw.

On the other end, men wanting sex may also want a relationship, but the game playing on the women’s end creates many hurdles for the women themselves as a way for guys to be turned off by them.

A man with some discernment, and thus most likely at the higher end of the social hierarchy, will easily segment these girls, and these games they play won’t fool them. With experience and options, he will use them for what he most likely knows them to be suitable for. A bit of fun and shags for a few weeks. Some will play along with their beta fact finder so they can switch when convenient.

Leaving the women on the side of the road with their aspirations further back.

He may even wait a couple or more dates to see other girls, but his idea of her will have already been cemented early on.

So, in the end, we have lost, jaded and ran through women, lost and despondent average men, and a few players who know the game, and rinse and repeat the whole process.

That is the irony of the situation where women will create all of these hurdles to get rid of the players when it will only attract the people interested in playing the games, aka players, as the serious guys won’t want to play games. Games women create to compensate for their prior mistakes of fucking cheaply, the guys they are now trying to avoid.

This creates a vicious cycle where nobody is satisfied except a very few.

Women who lead by bonding will end up getting pumped and dumped. Because most men know past a certain age, she is an item for the Goodwill. And the ones who will consider her, she is not interested in them, regardless, or she feels like she is settling when she is not discarding them indirectly with all of the nonsense the guy will have to go through. This is not to mention all of the anxiety from unprocessed trauma.

Men leading with sex or bonding are also discarded. The first one because she thinks he is not serious. The second one is because she assumes he has no option.

This morning, after recently joining Feeld, an app known for kinks, mainly, but also for normal relationships, I bumped into this 35-year-old woman.

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Good start, we are casually flirting. Interestingly enough, she is bringing forward the “wholesome” idea even though I did not raise any reason to make her believe I would be looking for something casual.I decided to stay PG and add a little bit of flirt.She then early frame announces “a first date is always wholesome” - Remember that, as it gets tasty.

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She then brings forward the fact that she does not sleep around with a rando. Again, I did not bring forward anything sexual; she is the one who did, but not in a conciliatory way, but in a conflicting one, trying to hijack the light banter.

I casually address, not trying to make a big deal out of it. I go along as I say that I am also looking for personality, which is true.

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She then tries to qualify harder to pin me in the casual category, more out of anxiety than anything, as I said nothing that would have inferred sexuality, which would have segmented me in such a way. However, you will understand why she projected in such a way later.I deflected kindly to show that I would not play her games until she annoyed me enough to address the elephant in the room, to explain to her why her approach was retarded. At this point, I did not want to meet her, but I wanted to see if she could be a great lesson for people to see.

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Because I did not give the iron-clad guarantee that I was not looking for something serious, she could not understand that I was serious. Here, she showed not only a lack of logic but also no benefit of the doubt or good faith.So I called her out, that even if that is what her intent is, she is going the wrong way. As expected, she did not take heed of the advice.

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I then explain how she is manifesting failure with that behaviour, coming from an ex-player, but also what it shows. It is key that she will segment her hoe phase and her serious phase, and whoever comes in these respective stages (see the Women Are On the Spectrum article), not realise that meet-ups and what comes out of them is rarely thanks to our agency, but in the randomness of meet-ups and the qualities of the individuals at play. However, women believe they are the main characters and believe in the illusion that they can control their environment when other people are involved. The irony is that the fact that she is still single confirms the opposite of what she preaches. There is a reason the saying “It is when you are not looking for it that you get it” is so popular.

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You know already that when they mention “forever person”, they are social media cooked from listening to some brain-dead female advice dating podcast. Even the term “person” is preferred to “man”, already subcommunicating that the object and interchangeability of the individual is there to do their bidding.So here I decide to target the heart of the issues, which is her urgency, which at the end of the day, is not your problem as a man, and if she feels she is running out of time, she is not going the right way if she wants to stack her chances in her favour.

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So by addressing her ego she tells on herself that she fucked men on first dates before (remember “first dates are always wholesome” - example of the shapeshifting they go opportunistically go under).She then thinks that holding out increases the chance of finding someone genuinely interested in them as a person, completely ignoring how competition and the randomness of life creating hick ups in momentum, which is necessary to create stickiness with strangers will negatively impact the likeliness of it occuring especially in a very low attention span environment.

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This is where I explain to her that it is not great communication to let a man know he was at the back of the queue for the thing he seeks to get from a woman, which she completely ignores in her projection, as she values emotional connection over intercourse. This is another problem women have: they sell based on what they want, not what the client wants.The conversation continued (I cannot add more screenshots as it is going to break the limit). Still, the jist of it was she shagged the guys because they were hot but also she did not like them as a peron (translation: she was punching and they ghosted her) and emotional connection can be platonic as you have that with your family and friends. Despite my explaining to her that one does not feel the same towards their sister and their future wife, both are not mutually exclusive, and sex is the catalyst, she decided to delete the chat.The lesson in all of this is that if you want to smash or have something serious, it is better to lie for your own benefit and theirs, because they don’t know any better. I don’t usually bother explaining stuff to women, but this happened to be very apropos with this old article of mine.